When you feel like you’re never going to get through to your child, it’s important to recognize that a lot of what looks like defiance or distance is often your child’s way of asking for connection, even when it doesn’t look like it. Some of the hardest behaviors to deal with are just signs of something deeper going on, not a reflection of who they are or who you are as their parent.

That doesn’t mean every hard moment has a deep explanation behind it, but it does mean choosing your battles matter more than winning every one of them. Staying anchored in the relationship, even on hard days, is what keeps the door open.

Understanding the Struggle

Being a present parent, through every phase, is more important than being a perfect one. It is important to stay constant in your child’s life, even if it feels like they want nothing to do with you and you are talking to a wall.

One thing that can help is learning to choose your battles. Not every moment is worth pushing on and picking which ones actually matter leaves more room for you to just be there, instead of fighting to win every single one. Choosing Your Battles in Parenting.

At the end of the day, your child won’t remember you being perfect. They will remember you showing up.

What Can You Begin to Consider?

1. When your child’s behavior feels impossible to understand, have you considered what need or feeling might be underneath it? Why Kids Steal

2. Are you spending your energy fighting every battle, or choosing the ones that actually matter for your relationship with your child? Choosing Your Battles in Parenting

3. If you’re raising a son, what does staying connected to him look like right now, especially through the harder teenage years? How to Connect with Your Teenage Boys

4. If you’re raising a daughter, what does connection look like for you as she gets older? How to Connect with Your Teenage Daughter

5. What would it look like to be gentler with yourself as a parent instead of chasing perfect? Ten Ways to Be a Better Mom

6. If you’re parenting on your own right now, what kind of support do you actually have, and what do you wish you had? Tips for Single Moms

7. Are there small responsibilities you could hand your child that would help them grow? Give Your Children Responsibilities

8. When was the last time your family did something together just for the sake of being together? 5 Things to Do as a Family

9. Is there a hard truth your child needs from you right now, and what would it look like to tell it to them in a way they can actually handle? Telling Your Kids the Truth

These questions are intended to help you reflect on your own approach and identify areas where you may be able to grow.

Continue Learning

– RIDGE Resources: a directory of further support to help you through this season, including TYRO Times, TYRO TV, and blog posts for parents doing their best under hard circumstances. theridgeproject.com/resources

– TYRO Blog, 5 Things to Do as a Family: simple, practical ways to build connection with your kids, even when things feel hard. 5 Things to Do as a Family

– TYRO365, Core Communications: a program built to strengthen communication skills, including building thriving relationships and resolving conflict, skills that carry over directly into how you talk with your kids. Core Communications

– TYRO Videos on Parenting: a collection of videos from TYRO TV, hosted by co-founders Cathy and Ron Tijerina, focused on helping parents connect with and support their children. TYRO – YouTube 

Next Step: Explore the resources above to continue growing and learning as a parent.