A note before we dive in: Wanting to fight for your marriage or relationship never means staying in one where you are being hurt. Abuse can look like physical harm, but it can also look like emotional or verbal abuse, financial control, sexual abuse, or a partner who isolates, monitors, or threatens you. If any of that is happening to you, please know this is not something to work through on your own, and it is not your job to fix it. Reach out. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: call or text 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. You can also visit thehotline.org. 

When you feel like you are trying so hard, yet nothing seems to be working to help mend your marriage/relationship. What do you do? Where do you go from feeling like you’re at a wall and simply stuck? What we want you to know is this: you are not alone. You are not the only couple that feels this way; you are not the first, and you most certainly will not be the last.

When you want to fight for your marriage/relationship but simply don’t know how, it is important to know you don’t have to figure it out alone or all at once. Every relationship has room to grow, no matter how stuck it feels right now. There are proven ways couples have worked through conflict, rebuilt trust, and found their way back to each other, and we want to walk through those with you, one piece at a time.

Understanding the Fight

Catherine Tijerina, co-founder of The RIDGE Project, teaches that fighting for your marriage or relationship involves more than simply saying “I want to fight for this.” It takes faithfulness, time, and a shared vision for where you are headed together. It takes learning to work through conflict instead of around it, rebuilding trust once it has been broken, and choosing, again and again, to reconnect instead of walking away.

None of this happens overnight, and it will not look the same for every couple. But it is possible, and it starts with deciding you are willing to do the work.

What Can You Begin to Consider?

1. What does “fighting for” your marriage or relationship look like for you right now? Can Marriage Survive Jail?

2. When you and your partner argue, are you working toward resolving it, or just trying to win? How to Argue During Incarceration

3. Are there habits in your relationship right now that might be quietly wearing it down? Seven Things You Are Doing Wrong in Your Relationship

4. Have you noticed any warning signs in your relationship that go beyond normal conflict? Warning Signs in Your Relationship, Part 1

5. Do you see your relationship as central to who you are, or has your current situation started to take it over? Married to an Inmate

6. Have you noticed a pattern when conflict tends to happen, like being hungry, tired, or overwhelmed? Advice to Make Your Relationship Thrive

7. What would it take to rebuild trust in your relationship, or protect the trust you already have? Building Trust with Your Man

8. Have you and your partner ever had to ask yourselves whether you should stay, and if so, what did that conversation look like? Why Should I Stay?

9. What would it look like to build the kind of active listening and conflict resolution skills a program like this teaches? Couple Communication

These questions are intended to help you reflect on your own approach and identify areas where you may be able to grow.

Continue Learning

– RIDGE Resources: a directory of further support to help you through this, including TYRO Times, TYRO TV, and blog posts for couples working through a hard season. theridgeproject.com/resources

– TYRO Blog, Advice to Make Your Relationship Thrive: practical guidance for handling the moments that most often lead to conflict, and for building a relationship that lasts. Advice to Make Your Relationship Thrive

– TYRO365, Couple Communication: a therapist-led program built for couples, covering active listening, expressing needs without blame, resolving conflict, and staying emotionally connected. Couple Communication

– TYRO Videos on Marriage and Relationships: a collection of videos from TYRO TV, hosted by co-founders Cathy and Ron Tijerina, focused on helping couples work through conflict and build a stronger relationship. TYRO – YouTube

Next Step: Explore the resources above to continue learning about making your marriage/relationship work.